Almost everyone at this point has heard of the "50 Shades "trilogy. It is a love story between the once abused and very controlling man named Christian Grey and a young, naive college student, Anastasia Steele. Wait, did I just say love story??? I meant to say porn on a page turner. This is not a love story people!!! I'll give you a brief synopsis and you'll just have to decide for yourself once you read the books.
Christian Grey is by far the most controlling, pathetic, and immature literary character that I have come across. He was brought into this world by a crack whore mother (who is only referred to as "the crack whore") and some unknown john that knocked her up. He was abused in many different ways thus leading to his crazy ways as an adult. He was adopted by the lady doctor who first helped him after he was taken from his mother when she died. Eventually he was molested by a much older family friend who ultimately introduced Christian into the frowned upon world of BDSM ( Bondage & Discipline, Sadism & Masochism) which gave him an outlet for all of the anger he felt towards his birth mother. Now, at the ripe old age of 28, he is a MULTI-BILLIONAIRE! He owns so many different companies in this book its just plain ridiculous. He has so many properties, so many cars, so much art. He can pilot a helicopter, play the piano, kick box, dance, and fluently speak multiple languages. To top it all off, he is somehow SO absolutely gorgeous that every single woman he comes into contact with bats her eyelashes or stutters or goes weak in the knees just at the mere sight of him. But, under all of his unrealistic perfection, he likes to hurt women. He is a Dominant and has had several Submissives willing to do anything and everything he said. We find out later that he only chooses brunettes because his mother was brunette and he is punishing her for being a bad mother. Eh.
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| Ian Somerhalder--This, to me, is Christian Grey. |
Then we come to Miss Anastasia Steele. By choice, she was raised by her first step-father. Ana was a very smart and independent girl; bright eyed and eager to make a name for herself in the publishing world. She worked her way through college earning top grades. Her time was taken up working and studying. Well, you know what they say, all work and no play made Ana a dull girl. She had a couple boyfriends over the years but they never got past second base, she just wasn't interested in much else beyond her future career. She never stood up for herself and generally kept quiet.
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| Emmy Rossum-definitely who I picture as Ana Steele |
To make a ridiculously long story short, they meet, he wants her to be his Sub, she refuses. They fall in love with each other, they get married, bla bla bla. Supposedly, her love was the best therapy Christian could ever get and he becomes a romantic, still crazy as hell, but sweet and romantic.
Okay, my MAIN issue with this porn book, is the author's complete and total lack of knowledge of how American's talk. I have NEVER heard an actual person say "I bid you good day, sir." This is not 1809. In an attempt to make the characters seem more "now," the author threw in countless wow's, oh f*cks, and holy craps. Please, I beg of you, if you want to write about people from a country you are not totally familiar with, DON'T!!
Another issue I have with this story is how utterly and completely horny these two are. I mean come on people, seriously? They have sex literally everywhere! The elevator, car, shower, table, piano, boathouse, and i'm leaving out a ton! If she bites her lip, he has sex with her. If she disobeys him, he has sex with her. If she rolls her eyes, he spanks her, then has sex with her. They had sex more in the first book, which had a time line of roughly 2 weeks, than I have had my whole life. Okay okay, maybe i'm "hating" on them but still...be at least kind of realistic.
Ana seems to be controlled by 2 opposing forces; her Inner Goddess and her Subconscious. The good vs evil is slightly amusing but I really wanted to slap all 3 of them in the face. They yelled at her...does she have schizophrenia or something??
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| Subconscious vs Inner Goddess |
All in all, I can't stop reading these books. I guess i'm just like everyone else, and hey, my hubbs appreciates me reading it. :-D I can only compare the 50 Shades trilogy to a car accident on the highway. I need to pay attention to my driving but I can't stop looking to see what's going on. My kindle makes it SO difficult for me to simply move on...every time I unlock the screen there it is...50 Shades of Grey, 50 Shades Darker, and now finally 50 Shades Freed. Read me, Kristen. Learn from me, Kristen. Concentrate on nothing else, Kristen!!! Ahhh! I'll be so glad when I read the last page so I can stop feeling like a creepy sex fiend.
~*Enjoy your reading ladies!!*~
**I found this on a blog by Jenny from the Blog and it is HILARIOUS!
**If 50 Shades were real:
CHRISTIAN: Ohh, Mrs. Grey, stop biting that lower lip or I’ll take you here in the breakfast nook!
ANASTASIA: Um, Mr. Grey, it would behoove you to wait until the children are done with their Cheerios. It might be a bit awkward and messy with them around. Plus, you’re starting to creep me out.
CHRISTIAN: Oh, don’t worry about the mess, Mrs. Grey., Ms. Jones will tend to it.
ANASTASIA: Which reminds me, Mr. Grey, please ask Ms. Jones to stop sterilizing the butt plugs with the bottle nipples.
